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and I'm not talking about sugar-free carbonated soft drinks.

We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist.

You have 24 hours to decide if you want to Align with any of your matches.

The matches appear as stars; the larger the star, the more astrologically compatible you are.

Brace yourself because your dating life is about to get a hell of a lot more interesting.

How much storage capacity do you have on your phone?

Today January 3 is also set to be the UK’s busiest ever day for online dating, according to Match.com, with dating app users scrolling through an average of 43 profiles and message 22 people on their first day back in the office.

It’s not likely that someone who is in search of just a hook-up will be on this dating app, so if you want to get married or have a long-term relationship, this is your direction.

Dating is the same—we've reached critical mass, and that critical mass is critical on getting their mass touched. Anyway, with the act of dating living solely on a mobile platform, the dating app reigns supreme. Hey, gotta quench that thirst somehow—what's that famous Mother Teresa quote?

Oh yes: "Get it girl, get it get it get it, girl." A dating app that allows people to meet based on their intellectual capacities rather than their looks! But, you know what happens when two smart people meet?

Where will you find an enduring love and where will you bag yourself a cursory bedroom buddy?

Here’s how the confusing virtual landscape of modern love looks today.

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